The Jog Blog

Going out for a jog always makes me feel invincible. I still look left and right for cars, but feeling the sun on my easily tanned skin, hearing my shoes make unnoticeable impressions on the pavement, and smelling the scent of trees on every block is a one of a kind sensation.

Just today, I caught a whiff of the woods, possibly from a chimney, a silent barbecue, or maybe it was just my phantosmia being generous.

Every time I pass by a house with a dog, it barks at me until its owner tells it to stifle. I don't know why they even bark. I run past them, not to them. But what do they know? They're oversized weepuls.

Every time I pass by a house with a cat, it freaks out and just stares at me, wide-eyed. Why? Man up and face your fears, pussy.

Often times, I pass by a house right as the owner is coming home. I don't know how to explain this phenomenon. It's really weird because they're always returning home with grocery bags, or a tent, or a t.v., so they were clearly busy to some extent throughout the day.

And as I'm going by, we'll usually make eye contact. The only difference between them is that some of these strangers say unimportant stuff like "hey, how are ya?" which means nothing because there's no real way to answer that in the second it takes to jog by. I could say "I'm good", but what do they care? I might as well just say "I'm awful" and be on my merry way.

Others just stare wearily. You can't even tie your shoes on their sidewalk without them stopping what they're doing to gaze in question. They're curious, it's understandable. But if I walked up their lawns and knocked on their doors, then I'd understand their level of concern.

Still, if you knock on my door and I don't know you, I probably wouldn't answer it. Why should I? How can the pros possibly outweigh the cons? I didn't wake up today anticipating a new lifestyle at my doorstep. I'm not craving door-to-door tea, pest control, or a new t.v. provider. If I want something, I'll seek it out.

Unless you're the best negotiator in the world... maybe then I'll let you change my religion in minutes.