A Prior Engagement

I've recently decided to pull a prank on FaceBook. My account is privatized, but if I added you to the list, you're a guest at my non-stop digital party.

The hoax was unbelievably simple: Pose as an engaged young man. All I had to do was "claim" I was engaged in the relationship box, and within days, I got people I haven't talked to in ages commenting in response with "Congrats!" and "Congratulations!" and "Congrats, Phil!"

Do you see a pattern?

While I'm flattered that the people who gave me their blessings gave me even that much, only two or three people out of over two dozen actually sent me messages asking who I was marrying, and if it was even true. The vast majority of everyone who saw (and responded to) this update just believed it at face value.

But let's get back to reality-- does the world really think I'm ready for marriage? Have they forgotten how ridiculous I am? I can barely take care of a Venus flytrap. I spend my time hiking, writing, and telling jokes at bars. I'm a good enough guy, I guess. I treat girls better than they expect. But marriage material? Not yet.

I was madly in love at one point. This was years ago, of course. And if we stayed together long enough, that girl and I might have gotten married. But who's to say that would have been a good idea?

The strangest thing about the reaction is the lack of research so many did before congratulating me. Not to sound cynical, but what if I was dating the wrong girl? Marriage can be good, but you know it can also be a train wreck. I'm not rich, so this 'dream girl' everyone assumed said "yes" to me clearly wouldn't have been in it for my money (unless she really wants to inherit my last 20 bucks).

So what if she was just a crazy girl? They exist, you know.

Or maybe a lot of my friends thought I was being foolish and naive and kept it to themselves. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. Months from now, people in my extended social circles are still going to ask me what happened to my fiance because they won't read this blog. People will mistakenly spread rumors about me being married for years to come because they didn't take the few seconds to follow up, to ask when the wedding will be, when it was, how long I knew the girl, where we met, what color her eyes are. And that's my beef with social media. It's the main reason I did this prank in the first place. I was genuinely curious to see how far people would go to find out if what they read was true. It's not hard. It literally takes three seconds. I didn't go through the trouble of making prediction charts or any of that, but the results were pretty much what I'd expected: some likes, some virtual pats on the back, and a few private asides of "uhhh... Phil, is this a joke?"

Of the few that asked me, I told them immediately about the engagements' falsity and thanked them for expressing their interest. I didn't make more statuses to fuel the fire, or call people asking for their blessings. I commented in response on the status a few times, and jokingly in an attempt to see if more will catch on to its falsehood. But nope.

By the way, this was a prank, not a lie. It's an important distinction. I never lie, and I rarely prank.

But I joke all the time.

Cheers.