Weeds

I was driving to work yesterday and saw a guy trimming weeds on the sidewalk with a brush cutter. They were growing out of the concrete in a circle, which probably had a plant in the center at some point, but maybe the plant got cancer and had to make meth to pay for its medical bills and died fighting the police.

Or maybe I watch too much t.v.

The point is that when I saw the weeds being trimmed, I wondered why the guy wasn't pulling the weeds out from their roots. And then I remembered my time in elementary school, when my class and I were out on the yard, picking weeds during designated class time because our neurotic teacher told us we had to "help the principal with something." The principal was a tough-looking Japanese man with glasses and an eyepatch. He was out there with us, overseeing our work with a casual stroll. He was alright, as far as I knew, but only because my elementary school experience felt like Saved by the Bell. I performed comedy in the school's annual talent shows and had casual conversations with this principal when it came to preparation. He even offered to lend me some high-end magic rings for my joint magic/comedy act.

Sometime in the past few years, I told a friend about how my school tricked us into doing their groundskeeping work. He told me that's very illegal.

The way I see it, the idea of a bunch of 5th graders toiling in the afternoon sun while their stoic principal from Pirates of the Caribbean 3 makes sure none of them escapes might make for a horrifying, yet entertaining dystopian novel. All it's missing are some zeppelins in the sky and an Indiana Jones-type hero to come save those children from the tyranny of pulling out weeds, which is unpleasant, but there are worse things in the world.